By Shelle Frelo
Mirror, Mirror on the wall which of us is the right one of all-.
Let me preface this devotional I love my mom and she is the most awesome woman I know. She raised 3 children by herself, worked from the bottom up to become a banking executive, taught 2 daughters how to be respectable women in a crazy world, taught a son to be a man not a mommas boy and helped a grandchild begin her journey to becoming the 2nd PhD. in the family.
With all that said my mother and maybe even some of your mothers drive us insane, cause us to revert back to tantrums, and occasionally outbursts. But we still love them none the less.
And most of us have heard the saying “Put two women together and there is bound to be a cat fight”. But did that statement include mothers and daughters?
For the past few years it seems that my mother and I have had conflict on top of conflict but for a while there they seem to be coming more and more frequently.
My feeling she doesn’t respect my time, my things, my marriage, my thoughts, my opinions, ok, me in general. And me guessing that she’s feeling as if I don’t honor her, respect her as my mother, love her as much as I should, and most of all that I don’t spend enough time with her was starting to put a strain on our relationship.
Ok, ladies I will be the first to admit I believe we both have been guilty of at least one of these things once or twice during our relationship. But it seems as if no one in the world can get my blood bowling, my mind distracted, or my heart racing like my mother. How can someone that I love so much, admire, go to for advice, respect, and look up to make me so crazy?
Crazy was the best way to describe our relationship today. My mother and I had one of our many phone conflicts while I was at work. I was so angry. I mean my boss was standing right there while the conflict was happening. I asked him to take over taking care of the situation that we were right in the middle of when she called.
I had promised myself after the last conflict we had while I was at work that the very next time my mom called me at work and it resulted in a conflict I would have it out with her once and for all (Real godly right). I decided that she would not get away with saying what she wants and leaving me with the aftermath (nope never consulted God about this plan).
So what did I do, I marched myself right down to the next office asked could I use the phone and called my mom back (oh yes Satan had a hold of my mind). The conversation went as follows:
Shelle: Mom, I wanted to explain why I had to hang up.
Mom: I don’t want you to explain you have done this for the third time
Shelle: I’m at work
Mom: I don’t want to talk about this we’ll talk when you get home
Shelle: No, I want to talk now I’m at work
Mom: what did that have to do with anything, if I were calling you about money you’d have time to talk. Click!
Shelle: Taking the phone in my hand and choking it….
By this time of course I am fuming saying to myself why do I even bother trying to make things right with my mom. She always blows things out of proportion, she always gets angry at me no matter what and to make a comment about money, man that got my goat. I don’t ask my mom for anything who dare she. She never thinks of me and my needs, it’s always do this or do that. She feels like she’s never wrong and heaven forbid I don’t do or say what she wants me too. (wow, I was really feeling myself…You know its gotta be all my mom and not me right)
So out I marched going back to my office. I passed two teachers, a custodian, a par-professional, and a parent and I had to have all of them not only agree with my tragic story of my mother’s insensitivity to my job and my time but they were great at sharing their tragic mother stories too. I mean we all had gotten into a good old fashion slap down momma bashing discussion. And boy did it feel good to know that I was not the only person with the momma blues (Isn’t if funny, how Satan always bring the Amen team when you are doing wrong).
Well, everything was going great. I felt justified in my actions; I had others agreeing with me; I was vindicated; and most of all I know was able to know that I was a wonderful daughter and my mom just didn’t appreciate me (and my new found comrades had solidified my feelings, so I was good to go). Then to help me feel even better I had a new member join the group, Satan himself he came right on into the discussion sat on down, poured himself some coffee, made me a cup and began to remind me of all the times my mother had made me feel this way before. Not only was he much like he did with EVE, made me feel that no one understood but he even took to giving me advice…suggesting that I shouldn’t let her get away with making me feel like this.
I was just Amen-ing him left and right and then out of nowhere the Holy Spirit interrupted the discussion and had a few words of His own to say (boy I should have known God was going to chastise me for losing my mind).
The Holy Spirit begin first speak to me about the condition of my heart (ummm, Jesus always gets to the heart of the problem). Then He began to reminded me of all the sacrifices my mom made, just for me, all the times she cared for me, encouraged and believed in me. He reminded me of her wisdom. He reminded me of the strong, wise, and intelligent woman that she is and has enabled me to be. He brought to the discussion my selfishness, my arrogance, my impatience, my thoughtlessness. He told me how he carried me, loved, and forgave me in spite of my imperfections, disobedience, ungratefulness, and temper. He shared how He gave me grace and forgiveness when I didn’t deserve it. How He’s not keeping score of my wrongs only of my victories through Him. He shared with my spirit how He expects me to reflect Him even to my mother (whats really funny is once I started to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit, I could no longer hear satans voice distracting my spirit).
He explained that in some areas my mom is was immature but in many areas I was just a babe in Christ with a long way to go.
Well, needless to say I was enjoying the other conversation a whole heck of a lot better than this one. But I knew He was right and that because He loved us both He would let Satan consume our relationship. My responsibility was simply to listen and allow Him to work on the both of us.
I felt as if I had come through a huge storm only to come out on the other side beat up , tattered and knowing that another storm was brewing right around the corner whether with my mom or with myself but I knew it would come again and I hoped I would be better equipped to handle it the next time.
The relationship between my mother and I has missing pieces, scares, burses, kinks, and wholes but I realized today that I need to give our relationship to the only person that can truly make it whole. That I needed to ask God to mature me in the way I communicate with my mother as well as ask Him to transform our hearts for His glory.
I had to admit that I am a reflection of my mom and that, that fact is the biggest blessing and problem.
You see I have some of her faults, I’m rude at times, just as abrupt at times, just as self centered at times, and just as impatient at times. But I also inherited her great qualities I’m just as intelligent, resourceful, independent, outspoken, wise, loving, caring, nurturing, and want to do what’s right by God standards even when I lose my way sometimes as my mom. The Holy Spirit helped me to see that I am who I am because of who my mom is and that’s a good thing.
Today the enemy won the battle but he hasn’t won the war.
But this loss got me thinking so here goes…
The next time you have allowed your mother or anyone for that matter to drive you much like I did today completely insane. Remember Satan can use anything or anyone to distract us from living, working, and serving God, even our mothers.
The fact is my boss and the people that interacted with me in the heyday of my distraction did not see a Woman of God they heard and saw a woman being controlled by her emotions (and that’s never a good thing..our emotions change but if we seek God in all things He remains the same, a standard of saneness if you will).
When we learn to not allow the events going on around us to dictate our response, we will be one step closer in learning to die to ourselves and living fully and completely for God.
I’m still in that process. How about you?
Lord Jesus I lift every person who reads this devotional up to you. Lord, I pray that all who read this can get out of it what you have for them. I also pray Lord for the family relationship. Satan has declared war on our families and we are failing to defeat Him in many ways. Let the power of your Holy Spirit Lord fill us and enable us to display in all situations the fruits of Your Spirit. Forgive us Lord of the battles that we’ve lost and give us the strength to fight the battles we have left to face.
In Your Son Jesus’ Name We Pray
Shellē Frelo is Founder and President of Just For Us Ministries. JFUM is a non-denominational ministry for women and youth based in Kansas City, Mo. Her ministry offers, discipleship, youth enrichment, community outreaches, and events.
She has written several bible study curriculum for women and youth, devotionals, books on entrepreneurship and women’s ministries, parenting articles, and Christian articles. She has worked in the retail industry as a top level executive, and in education as a behavior interventionist. She has appeared on TBN, spoken at various events, churches, retreats, businesses, and corporate events.