Dear Ask-A-Sister:

How do you forgive someone who deceived you and let the feelings of anger, bitterness and shame, go? How do resolve feelings within yourself, when you know that having a relationship with someone who is not a Christian is wrong, but because of your loneliness and unbelief that god knows what you’re feeling, leads you to this behavior? Basically, how do I forgive myself?


Dear Seeking Forgiveness…

Let’s address your question in three parts,


The first is the question of forgiving ones self.  “All day and all night your hand was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water on a sunny day until I finally admitted all my sins to you and stopped trying to hid them. I said to myself, I will confess them to the Lord. And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone” Psalm 32:4-5 In order to forgive yourself you first need to accept that you have knowingly and consistently sinned against God. When you accept this without excuse than you are able to start the process of repentance (getting right with God and yourself).


Second is the issue of being unevenly yoked “Do not by yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?-2 Corinthians 6:14”  I can tell you from first hand experience the problems that arise from being in a relationship with an unsaved husband.  I married my husband lying to myself that he was saved. Yes he went to church and occasionally prayed with me but he really hadn’t accepted the Lord in his life and I was so eager to be married that I didn’t heed God’s warning. I’ve had to pay the price for my disobedience. But even in that God has been merciful.


Thirdly are your feelings of loneliness. Loneliness is a very deceiving emotion. We can think we are lonely in a number of situations that really we shouldn’t feel lonely in. We can feel lonely in a marriage, even lonely in a crowd of people. Loneliness occurs when we loose direction of who we are in Christ. “Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you”- I Peter 5:7 “And the Lord, He is the one who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”-Deuteronomy 31:8 We develop loneliness when we are preoccupied with wanting a mate than our relationship with God. Satan uses our lonely times to keep our thoughts and spirit distracted. I once read that “Loneliness is not the absence of affection, but the absence of direction.” –author unknown.


Instead of accepting your feelings of loneliness as normal and a reason to go against God’s Word. Ask the Holy Spirit to work on your heart to overcome your feelings of loneliness. Allow time with God outside of the relationship of your unsaved partner.


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